Three words: puerto rican gang bang
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Randomize
