Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
