4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
