I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
