You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
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