separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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