I think my fart just growled at me.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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