eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
