Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
