not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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