so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
