Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Best friends brother. Beat that.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
40s are totally the cure
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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