thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
