They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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