I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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