Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
