He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
either way he was missing a nipple.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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