: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
