Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Randomize
