Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
