i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
