Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
