we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
