I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
