my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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