No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
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