my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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