I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
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