Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Randomize
