you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Randomize
