they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
