Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Randomize
