party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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