Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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