My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
