i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
