Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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