i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Randomize
