I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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