ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
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