Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
