just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
