plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
