alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
