Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
