I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Randomize
