i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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