Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
As shirtless as possible
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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