Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
