and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
