put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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