Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
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