i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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