So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
