they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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