I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
