i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
