I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
The power of my boobs compel you
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
